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Saturday, July 23, 2011

I'm cheating on you Facebook

I'm cheating on you Facebook.

 I really don't know how else to say it but to come right out and say it.  I think we need Couples' Counselling.  You see, I'm just not that attracted to you anymore.  I've you over the years.  While some were subtle; small cosmetic changes like highlights here, the occasional nip/tuck there, it was the weight gain that really became the 'elephant in the room' so to speak.  You can't hide the weight of 750 million users.  You just can't.

One of my finer moments
  I know, I know.  I haven't been Mr. Universe exactly.  We usually see each other when I'm eating, or drinking or both.  I know you have damning evidence of me at my worst; fall down drunk and making stupid "I bet this will look so freakin' funny tomorrow' face pictures.  I get it.  But I'm trying to be classy about this.

I noticed you changed your face again.  Added this new 'chat' feature.  It looks do I say this?  Umm....  You have so much shit on your face now I imagine you need to use a paint brush to apply it.  Sorry...just being honest.  I mean, you can put lipstick on a pig but......

While we're on the topic, let's talk about you and your 'chatty nature'.  You're a regular chatty Cathy aren't you?  But GOD!  You are soooooo boring!!  You only talk about 'Farmville this' & 'The Weather is soooo blah, blah, blah that'. You're dull.  9 times out of 10, you only talk about things worth a marginal amount of my interest.  "You have a new game? Oh, that's nice dear.  You recommend this product?  Oh, that's nice dear.  How many of my friends 'like' this?  Oh ya.  That's nice dear."   ***YAWN***

I'm cheating on you Facebook.

I'm seeing someone behind your back. She's called Google +.  We're still in the 'exploration phase'.  I mean, things are tentative, but exciting.  We hang out with the same circle of friends.  Have similar interests, and she knows about all my local haunts like Gmail and  I have to admit, I'm not as comfortable with her as you....we have a history, but I have to admit.  She's got a tight interface and smooth curves.

There is another though.  We've been together for a bit now.  Her name is Twitter.  I know I know.  She sounds flighty but she's pretty cool.  She doesn't say much, but she knows a ton about so many topics.  And her friends are pretty hip.  Always talking politcs, entertainment, and 'what's happening' right now.  She knows people and she's going places.  She makes me feel young again.

I know this might sound a little harsh, but I think we can work something out.  I think we should be able to see other social networks/people.  I still always come back to you.  We have history.  But I'm sure, much like me, you have other people you'd like to focus on.  So, for now, let's just enjoy each other's company with no expectations of rekindling the romance.  I think we both know...the light is fading.

You'll be fine.  You have 749 Million other friends that you can draw upon in your time of need.  You're a survivor....a fighter.  You'll thrive on this and move on like nothing happened.

Take care.

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